Finding Technicolour Read online

  Her face fell with shock.

  “There was nothing I could do to stop him. I tried … I tried so hard but …” I controlled my breaths. “I didn’t want to tell you because I was ashamed and I didn’t … I didn’t want to believe that it had happened. I hardly ever spoke to him, Mum. What did I do wrong? Why did he do that?”

  “Sweetheart, you did nothing wrong. Do not blame yourself … Oh Peyton, what can I do? What can I say to make this better?”

  I needed to know she still loved me. That I was going to be OK.

  Our tears fell to the pillowcases. She pulled me close, wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. For mere seconds I grasped onto the innocence I had been craving. In that moment I felt like a kid again. Like when little me fell face first and scraped her skin in a rollerblading accident, and the only thing that could make me feel better – after first aid was applied – was my mum’s embrace.

  I don’t remember how long we stayed there. I don’t remember how long we were covered in her blankets, but I was relieved I’d finally told her.

  Chapter THIRTY-FOUR

  I rested in the cream chair. The room hadn’t changed since the first time I was there. The same light floral aroma floated through the air. The neutral tones made me feel safe.

  “How are you feeling today, Peyton?” Dr Wilson said.

  “I’m good … really good.” I was. “How are you?”

  “I’m well, thank you.”

  Dr Wilson never forced me to talk about something I wasn’t ready to. Even after I told him my secret, his calming nature never changed.

  “I told my mum and that boy I’ve been seeing. I told them about what happened to me.”

  “Peyton, that’s excellent news. How does that make you feel?”

  “I was scared to tell them. It was a risk. I knew that. But I found it somewhere in me to take the chance … They still love me, and now I know that I feel at ease. I feel better than OK.”

  “That’s wonderful to hear.”

  “You were right, you know.”

  “About what?” Dr Wilson asked.

  “About how telling you first would make it easier to tell others.”

  “I’m very glad you were able to share that part of you – with me and two of the most important people in your life.”

  Me too.

  “Thank you.”

  Dr Wilson smiled at me. His grey eyes glittered.

  “I showed someone my Art Cave and the artwork inside. The art that I was hiding from.”

  “Would you like to discuss that? The art you created?”

  “It’s honest and heartbreaking. That’s why I couldn’t go in there. But now I feel strong enough for it … I’ve been in a couple of times now. Once by myself before I told you everything, and the second time to show that someone my secret, so they understood it and me a little better.”

  “Do you think now that you’ve expressed this story, now that you’ve exposed this part of your life, you’ll be going into your Art Cave more often and creating something new?”

  “Yeah.”

  I liked to think so.

  “And this art you’ve created about that part of your life, what do you plan to do with it?”

  I hadn’t thought about that. The canvases were just there. They were always just there. Creating them helped get the truth out of me. It also helped me share that part of my past. I hadn’t made any plans to do anything with them.

  “I’m not sure … I actually hadn’t thought about that yet. What about you? Have you got another drawing for me?”

  “Why as a matter of fact I do.” Dr Wilson leant to collect a notebook. “And will I ever get to see some of your artwork?”

  “Maybe at our next session. If I remember to bring something.”

  “I look forward to it.”

  At home I felt the light growing, slowly overtaking the grey. I wasn’t scared anymore, knowing I had nothing to hide.

  Mum and I snuggled on the sofa with a blanket wrapped over our legs. We watched one of our favourite romantic comedies. We had seen it so often we knew it line by line. It almost felt like we had actually written the script. After designating each other several characters, we spoke when it was our turn – in-between stuffing our faces with popcorn and chocolate. We wore our pyjamas and it felt like any other night. I was glad Mum treated me no differently. After I told her, I prepared myself for her to retreat to acting like I was a china doll. But she didn’t. She never once looked at me like I was fragile or weak. That made me feel stronger. It reminded me that I was going to be the victor, not the victim.

  I curled up on my bed. Breathed deeply. The smell of vanilla locked in my nose. I glanced over my art and the slightly messy state of my room. The space felt like my sanctuary again. I could rest in there and no longer feel defeated. I no longer felt alone. It was once the place I recognised it as – my safe place.

  My phone beeped.

  I read the message.

  Kai: How was ur day?

  Me: Good. Mum and I just finished acting out one of our favourite movies (while it was playing – we’re not that weird!) Liam called so we chatted with him for a little bit. How was work?

  Kai: Boring because u weren’t there.

  I smiled.

  Me: Are u working tomorrow?

  Kai: Y.

  Me: Does Kai Pearson want Peyton Swift to visit him on his lunch break? Y or N.

  Kai: Y.

  Me: Meet at our picnic table?

  Kai: Y.

  I chuckled.

  My phone beeped again.

  Kai: I’ll bring the hot chocolates.

  Me: I’ll bring the blanket. XOXO

  Kai: Sweet dreams, Peyton Swift. Dream a little dream of me. OXOX

  Chapter THIRTY-FIVE

  I strolled towards the coffee shop. The sky was brighter. The air wasn’t so cold. The seasons were changing. Spring was in the air. I could almost taste it.

  My first walk after being out of hospital now felt like so long ago. I used to stare at the stopwatch and count the minutes I was able to survive on the outside, around other people. I couldn’t help but feel like this day, this walk, was a breeze. I was happy. Content. Cleansed.

  That part of my past would never be erased. It couldn’t be. It could never be forgotten. But I was learning to deal with it. I had Mum and Kai to thank for that.

  I waited for Kai at our picnic table. I folded the blanket like I had before, even though there was no rain on the table. A light mist of grey scattered over my surroundings. But I saw colours seeping to the foreground. I was in my own world. I breathed. My breaths lightened me. I felt calm. At ease.

  The sound of Kai’s voice made me whip my head around a little too quickly. “One marshmallow hot chocolate for you.”

  He handed me the takeaway cup. I took a sip. The sweetness hit my tastebuds. Kai plonked next to me. We leant close to one another and kissed. His kisses hadn’t changed. I still liked them. The way he looked at me with his beautiful eyes hadn’t changed. I still felt the warmth of a sunset when our eyes locked. Every dayI was falling more in love with him. And I knew it was OK to. I deserve it. I’m worth it.

  We spent his lunch break together discussing potential future travel plans and our dream destinations. We both instantly agreed to visit London to see Big Ben and have tea with the Queen. For as long as I can remember, visiting the Louvre was something I’d dreamt of doing. Kai had started arranging a scheme for when we were in Paris, to spend the night at the Louvre. I played along, not that I would actually go through with it – even though some of his ideas were quite riveting – like cramming into bins or me somehow replicating a painting on our clothes so we’d blend in with an artwork.

  I told him to come round to my house later that day so we could hang out. Because I wanted to see him. I wanted to be around him. I wanted to be with him and I knew he wanted to be with me. He wasn’t put off by my past. He wasn’t afraid to stay.

  At home I stared in
the mirror. Scanned my soft skin and smiled at myself for the first time in a long time. Luckily I had no deep scarring from the accident on my face. My fingertips felt the scar near my hairline, but that was easily covered up. There were prominent scars on my arms. I liked when Kai kissed them. When I’d touch the ones on my legs, they reminded me that I was alive. I knew that was what I wanted. I traced their designs like I was painting them. My scars are beautiful.

  I ran my fingers through my hair. I knew I was ready. Ready to cut it. Ready for that change. The long waves didn’t feel like mine anymore. The dark strands hung around my body and I felt like they were going to strangle me in my sleep. I told Mum I wanted to change it and she bought what we needed.

  She put music on. Even though we played some of our favourite songs that we’d played countless times before, it was like I was listening to them for the first time. We camped on chairs in the kitchen and talked about a new style. I had rarely been to a hairdresser, Mum was always the one to cut my hair. I told her what style I wanted and within minutes she began cutting my locks. She gave it a big trim then mixed the hair dye. The strong smell took over the house but we didn’t care. The music continued to play. I was happy with the light it brought. Mum brushed my hair with the dye. After it was washed out, she cut my hair to the style I wanted.

  I strutted to the bathroom, turned the light on and examined Mum’s work. A large smile stretched across my face. My lighter brown hair was shoulder length and felt so soft. I flicked it around like I was in some sort of shampoo commercial. I loved it. It felt like another weight had been lifted from my body, like I could breathe easier.

  The doorbell rang. I knew it was Kai, but looked through the peephole anyway. He had come straight to my house from the coffee shop. I knew he had because he wore his usual all-black uniform and I smelt coffee through the door. I opened it. His cheeky smile stretched across his face.

  “Hey, come in.”

  Kai stepped inside. He hugged me tight then softly kissed my lips. “I’m liking the new hair.”

  “Thanks.” I smiled.

  “When did you do that?”

  “Pretty much as soon as I got home from our lunch date.”

  “It looks good.”

  I held my smile. I was glad he liked it.

  “So, do we have anything planned for tonight? Will we be watching those rich bitches again?”

  “No. I’m not really in the mood for their drama … How about creating some art?”

  Kai smiled. His eyes beamed.

  We made our way into my Art Cave.

  “I expect to see great things from you, Mr Pearson.”

  “Art’s not my strong suit, Miss Swift.”

  No, words are.

  “But for you, I’ll try. And don’t get all jealous if what I end up creating becomes this mega masterpiece that has the art critics and the entire world raving about my talent.”

  I laughed at him and agreed I wouldn’t. I showed him around the slightly disorganised space and told him where everything was, so if he wanted it, he could just get up and get it himself.

  Since my secret was out and my darkness had been overpowered by light, I had been in my Art Cave several times. I had won the war. Being in there made me feel like my old self – just a better, stronger model. I removed my evidence pieces and stacked them in the corner. I covered them with a blanket. I was still deciding what I should do with them. A part of me wanted to start a bonfire and light them up. Watch them burn and become ash. Another part of me wanted to keep them – not to hang them in my room or look at them every day – but to have them there, just in case one day I had an art exhibit of my very own and I was brave enough to share them.

  “So how is my tattoo art coming along? Any progress?” Kai said.

  “I’ve sketched a few things but nothing’s ready to show you. Right now I don’t feel that they’re good enough to be a permanent mark on your skin.”

  “They must be good then. Isn’t this how you felt about the one Liam got done?”

  “Kind of. It didn’t start out as a tattoo though.”

  “Can I see one of your sketches? Pretty please.”

  “No.” I smiled. “Not yet.”

  “Go on, just a glimpse.”

  “We’ll see.”

  Once Kai became bored with his creation, he went over to the wall where my other canvases were stacked. He lifted up certain pieces and presented them to me, telling me which ones were his favourites, which ones he wished he had created and which ones he would take the credit for if he were speaking with art critics.

  We spent the rest of the night in the lounge watching TV and talking. For a little while, Mum joined us. I leant back and relished the moment. I felt happy – true happiness.

  A colour I never wanted to lose again.

  Chapter THIRTY-SIX

  My phone beeped and woke me. Groaning slightly, I rolled over and reached for it. It was a text from Kai.

  Kai: Your presence is essential/required at the coffee shop. Be here in half an hour! OXOX

  Me: Do I need to bring anything?

  Kai: Just yourself.

  I smiled.

  My phone beeped again.

  Kai: And maybe a kiss for me!

  As I made my way to the coffee shop, I noticed how much the sun tried to shine through the thinning clouds. It was rare that I saw the sunrise. I couldn’t help but feel joyful. The beaming orange and gold reached across the lower sky, making the lilac clouds look like fairy floss. The sunlight arced across the pavement and between the houses. A flock of birds patterned the distance in front of me and I felt as free as them.

  The seasons were changing. Spring had started and I was ready for the newness it brought. Last night’s rain and the morning sun created the rainbow that stretched across the sky. The colours linked and my eyes happily welcomed the beautiful sight. I felt like I had been living in grey for so long that I was seeing colours for the first time. We were being reintroduced, a colour at a time, and they fitted into my vision almost perfectly.

  Kai’s invitation was curious because I knew the coffee shop wasn’t open for another hour. He was waiting outside, leant against the doorframe, dressed in his usual all-black uniform, his hair slicked back in a bun. I caught his attention and a wide smile stretched across his face.

  “Good morning, Peyton Swift.”

  “Morning Kai.”

  He gently pulled me in. We kissed.

  “What’s going on? Is everything OK?”

  “Everything’s fine, Peyton. I have a surprise for you,”

  “A surprise? What is it?”

  “Well, if I told you before I showed you, then it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore, would it?”

  “Well where is this surprise? You know I don’t …”

  “I know you’re not the biggest fan of surprises, but doing surprises is sort of my thing; you’ll learn to love them.”

  I stared at him and tried to uncover answers, but his face gave nothing away. Nerves fluttered in my stomach. Not the bad kind, the beautiful kind taking flight – making me feel childish excitement.

  “Are you ready?” Kai asked.

  I took a deep breath. “I guess so.”

  “Close your eyes …”

  “What? Is that necessary?”

  “Closing your eyes is a vital part of this moment.” He smiled.

  “OK.”

  “Just close your eyes, take my hand and trust me.”

  I closed my eyes and held out my hand. Kai locked his fingers with mine.

  “OK, I’m going to guide you. It’s pretty simple; we’ll be taking a few steps forward and I’m one thousand per cent sure you’ve walked through an open door before.”

  We started to move. The door opened. The usual sound of the bell rang overhead. He closed the door then let go of my hand.

  “Keep your eyes closed.”

  My butterflies fluttered wildly. I couldn’t erase my smile.

  Kai stood behind me and
whispered. “Open your eyes.”

  For a couple of seconds I kept them closed. I wanted to hold the unknown for a brief moment more. I took a breath in then opened my eyes.

  I no longer felt my heart. My breath was taken from me. I stood in disbelief as I scanned the shop. My jaw dropped. “Kai … When did you? How did you?”

  “Do you like it?”

  “I … I …”

  “Should I take that as a yes?”

  I turned to Kai but I couldn’t speak. My attention rushed back to two pieces of my artwork hanging on the coffee-shop walls. More of my canvases were spread out, leaning against the walls. Every piece of artwork was mine. “What is this?”

  “Well, after you choose which works you want to hang up, it will be your own exhibition. Your first exhibition, if I’m not mistaken.”

  I felt undeserving. “Are these even allowed to be up here?”

  “Yeah of course they are!”

  I was stuck in amazement. Twisted with confusion. “How?”

  “Must I reveal how I prepare all of my surprises?”

  “Maybe. I don’t know … I’d really like to know for this one though.”

  “Well, I’ve had this idea for a while. One of the days when we were together in your Art Cave, I took photos of some of your art and then showed them to my boss. He loved them and said that if I could get the artist’s permission we could hang them up the next time we changed the art.”

  “How did you sneak these out of the house? When did you sneak them out of the house?”

  “Well, you can thank your mum for that.”

  “What?”

  “I told her about my idea and she thought it was great, or did she say amazing? I think I recall the word genius being used.” Kai laughed.

  I shook my head.

  “Anyway, last night your mum messaged me, letting me know you were in bed and we took the selected art from the cave, then this morning I hung a couple up and arranged the others around the room, then messaged you as soon as I could, hoping and praying that you wouldn’t go into your Art Cave.”