Finding Technicolour Read online

  “So what’s your story?” Kai said.

  “Excuse me?”

  “What’s your deal? First you lie to me about how you got your injuries. Then you try to ditch me and use your mum as an excuse. If you didn’t want to hang out all you had to do was say.”

  My eyes widened. He was bluntly honest. And somehow he seemed to read me like a book he’d read a thousand times. I was twisting with conflicting emotions. My stomach turned. I didn’t like the way he’d just made me feel. “No … I …”

  “So you do wanna hang out?”

  There it was again, that smug smile – like he’d forced me to admit something.

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “Well, all right then.” I watched him light up like a bulb. “I know a cool place in the forest we can hang out at. I go there myself just to think. And the scenery is spectacular.”

  My bones began to clatter. I felt the blood rush through my veins. For seconds my surroundings spun. I wanted my darkness. I looked to Kai’s eyes. They were bright headlights. I felt my guard rise.

  “Um, no thanks. I’m not going to any secluded area for you to kill me. I’ve already escaped death this year. I’m not game for a second round.”

  “Interesting. Your plot thickens. And my curiosity increases. Is that how you got your injuries?”

  “That’s for me to know–”

  “And for me to find out. I accept the challenge.”

  “It’s not a challenge.”

  “Fine. Whatever you say. Maybe one day you’ll tell me. Maybe you won’t. But I’m hoping you will.”

  Incredible. Unbelievable actually. There he was again, thinking he could knock down my walls and peak inside, then ditch me and leave me lonely. He swept his hand through his thick hair and I couldn’t help but feel like I was supposed to be falling for him. Like that was a move he would use to charm other girls. But I wasn’t going to allow myself to fall.

  We strolled around the corner then stopped in front of a jet-black motorbike, which would have shone if the sun were hitting it. Instead, the day was grey and smelt like it was about to rain. I glanced at him, dressed in his leather jacket, and put two and two together.

  “Is this yours?”

  “Sure is. Hop on.”

  “Um. No.”

  “Have you never been on a motorbike?” Kai asked.

  I shook my head.

  “Are you serious?”

  I just eyed him.

  “You’ll be fine. I’ll take it slow. Trust me.”

  Trust him. I barely knew him and he wanted me to trust him. Who was this kid? There was no way I was getting on that thing. I had just survived a car crash – I was supposed to be scared to get in a car and for some odd reason I wasn’t. But clinging onto a stranger on the back of a motorbike was another thing entirely.

  “Are we going for a ride on this thing?” Kai said.

  “No. Not today.”

  There it was again, that smug smile. What was he thinking this time?

  “Good to know,” Kai said.

  “Good to know what?”

  “Well, you said ‘Not today’. That means we’ll be seeing each other again. Hanging out again. Thus allowing me to convince you to take a chance on the motorbike and maybe on me.”

  He was full of himself. That cheeky smile stretched across his face and his eyes lit up like a hundred different things were running through his mind. A part of me wanted to know more about him. There was no denying he was interesting. I felt myself becoming somewhat captivated, even though I tried to fight it. I wanted to push the secrets out of him. I wanted to hear his story. To understand his deal. I also wanted to walk away and have nothing to do with him. Just leave it as the odd chance meeting and in time slowly forget about him. Liam and I would just have to find another favourite café.

  My mind rustled up words as I tried to create an excuse for my departure. I latched onto one, but before I could speak, Kai spoke.

  “OK, so no motorbike today. No forest exploring today. How about that picnic table over there …” He pointed. My eyes followed his fingers. “Completely out in the open. People on the road can see us; people in the shops can see us. Too many witnesses for any crime to take place. What do you think?”

  I don’t remember agreeing, but the next thing I realised we were occupying the table.

  Chapter NINE

  The smell of rain grew stronger, but nothing fell from the clouds. A fresh wind clutched at my cheeks and my body trembled. Kai and I sat opposite each other. I focused everywhere but his eyes. I didn’t want him to read me again.

  “Tell me something,” Kai said.

  “What?”

  “Tell me something about you … something I don’t already know.”

  I gave up and looked at him. “You don’t know me at all.”

  “That makes it easier for you then.” Kai gazed at me. Like he was discovering some form of hidden treasure.

  I decided to be honest. “I don’t like strangers.”

  “Well I’m glad we’re not strangers then.”

  I scrunched my face. I was pretty sure we were.

  “We met yesterday, so that makes us acquaintances.”

  Smart-ass. Even in silence my cursing felt offbeat. But it was my first thought. “Tell me something about you then.”

  “I like all things new. New people. New stories. New adventures.”

  “Your life must be pretty exciting.”

  “It is. It’s even better now you’re in it.”

  Did he really just say that?

  “How did you know that I lied about my injuries?”

  “Hey, it’s my turn to ask you something.”

  I just glared at him. Waited for an answer.

  “But I’ll bend the rules for you.” He smiled. “Well, I wasn’t a hundred per cent sure, but now that you’ve admitted it, I am … I know what fighting injuries look like, bruises, cuts and all. I’ve had a few myself. And the injuries you have, they’re not from that type of fight.”

  I didn’t like that he knew so much about me just from looking at me. Vulnerable was an emotion I was tired of feeling.

  “Tell me something else. What’s something you love, or like to do?” Kai said.

  I didn’t want to tell him anything else. I felt like he already knew too much. But words slipped from my lips. “Um, I like painting,”

  “Cool. What do you paint?”

  “Whatever I feel like. It doesn’t matter.”

  “Even cooler.”

  I didn’t know how, but he got me to smile. All I could think was that he was good at flirting – if that was what he was doing.

  “Well, there’s no need to get too excited; I don’t really do art these days.”

  “Why?”

  I looked to my phone, thinking I would see my stopwatch, but I remembered I hadn’t set it. Part of me wanted to know how long I’d been there. Not that I was keeping a record.

  “OK, answer me this one last thing, then you’re free to leave,” Kai said.

  “I wasn’t free to leave before?”

  “No. Obviously I was holding you captive, locked in this secret force-field bubble and it will only evaporate if you answer this one last thing.”

  “Proceed, captor.”

  “When are we hanging out again?”

  “What?”

  “Well I only assume we are because of your earlier responses to my questions and because I know you’re intrigued by me and my mysteriousness and you know I’m interested in you. I know we’ll be seeing each other again. I can feel it in my gut.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I know you sat there agreeing with everything I just said. Now please answer the question so I can pencil-in the date and plan the perfect second date.”

  “Second date? When was the first?”

  Kai smirked. He lifted his palms and stretched his arms as if he were offering me our surroundings. “We’re in it.”

  “This is your id
ea of a first date?”

  “Well it was short notice. We could’ve done something else, gone somewhere a little more exciting if you were willing to ride on my motorbike. So when will our perfect second date be?”

  I don’t know what came over me, but I answered with the first day and time that came to mind, even though I wasn’t convinced of my attendance. “Friday. Seven o’clock.”

  “Two days from now … not much time to prepare, but I like a challenge.”

  Half of me wanted to go on the date. The other half didn’t. I tried to convince myself I was completely uninterested, but I was intrigued. Intrigued to see what he would plan for us. I didn’t know what it was about him, but he had me aflame. “Friday.”

  “See you then, Peyton Swift.”

  I smiled at him. Partly because my system was struck with a spark of excitement and partly because I liked the way he said my name.

  I shifted from the park bench and wandered home.

  The clouds clashed together. The sound of thunder rumbled through my ears. Lightning struck, brightening the sky for mere seconds. Rain poured. It was like the weather was repainting another layer of grey – I liked that. I felt content. Almost protected. I made my way home as fast as I could, with my jacket sprawled over my head. I was cold, caught in the storm, but was I wrong to think every cloud has a silver lining?

  Chapter TEN

  I don’t know how it happened, but I found myself sitting across from Dr Wilson. His magical grey eyes smiled at me. This wasn’t part of my plan. I had agreed to two sessions. Yet there I was, in his office, for my third. Maybe Mum was better at convincing me to do things than I thought.

  “Hi Peyton, how are you today?”

  “I’m OK … You?”

  “I’m very well thank you.”

  I bit my lip. Thoughts crashed through my brain. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Of course.”

  “Do you think this is a waste of time? I still don’t remember the day of the accident, or the crash itself for that matter … Shouldn’t we wait until I remember something?”

  “Not necessarily, Peyton. Speaking about your past, your present and future events might help you remember. It might spark memories. It might clear your thoughts and allow you to see.”

  But I didn’t want to see.

  “During our last session we spoke about your passion for painting and art. Have you created anything since we last saw one another?”

  “No. Art’s not really an interest at the moment.” When I painted, I used to paint honestly. What I could see. What I wanted to see. I would intertwine my secrets within a piece and wondered if anyone would uncover them or understand the hidden meaning. They never did, and I felt relieved knowing I was still their secret keeper.

  “At home, the garage is my art space … I call it my Art Cave. My mum bought me all the materials I wanted and needed and I would go in there to clear my mind. Escape things. Create things. But I haven’t been in there since I’ve been home.”

  “And why do you think that is?”

  “Um …” Because my deepest secret’s in there and once I see it I’ll have to remember everything else. I’d have to remember. Refeel the pain. “I haven’t had the energy to think about painting … My creative juices haven’t been flowing.”

  What I said was the truth. But I was never going to speak about my deepest secrets. I didn’t know if I ever could. I didn’t know if I ever would.

  The flashes crept. I folded one leg over the other and twisted my calves until my ankles locked – the lower half of my body felt like a decorative pastry. I squeezed my legs together, hoping to cut the circulation. Make my mind focus on something else.

  My short-lived attempt was unsuccessful. I untied my legs and readjusted in the seat. My heart raced. The room felt cold. I shook my head. Hoped the flashes would detach. Darkness. I wanted my darkness. I thought to the pitch black – my almost-serenity place.

  The flashes dissipated. Vanished. As if they had never been mine. The beat of my heart slowed. The room warmed. My brain registered my body as mine. My eyes searched the plain room and recognised where I was – still in therapy. I peered at the clock. Thirty-five minutes remaining. I breathed deeply then faced Dr Wilson – ready for the next question.

  Please help keep my mind from those unfinished thoughts.

  Dr Wilson cleared his throat, even though I didn’t think he needed to.

  “During our last session you mentioned you dropped out of school …” His rich voice remained warm and neutral – like he hadn’t witnessed the past few seconds. As if they never happened. Part of me was thankful. Relieved even. “Would you like to discuss that further?”

  “Not really … I dropped out because I didn’t want to be there. I couldn’t handle it there.” Without consent, every muscle in my body tightened. My heart skipped a beat. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

  “OK.”

  Before he could come up with another question that might spark the flashes, I decided to blurt out words. We still had half an hour left of our session and I didn’t want him to dig around any further. “I met this guy.”

  “Oh, that’s nice. What’s he like? Tell me about him.”

  Really? I softly shook my head and played along. I knew I could stretch the subject out for at least twenty minutes. And I would be speaking about someone else. That made me feel a little better.

  “I met him the other day … We sat, we chatted. Somehow he made me laugh. Something I haven’t done in a while. We bumped into one another again and went on our supposed first date … He’s different to other boys I’ve met. Well, he seems different. He’s intriguing and he’s honest. But I can feel that I have my guard up around him. Around everyone.”

  Dr Wilson was good. Somehow – without a single word – he made me shift the boy talk and turn it back to me. Maybe it was because I was in a therapy room and there was something they put in the air to make you confess your deepest thoughts and feelings.

  “Why do you think that is?” Dr Wilson asked.

  “What?”

  “Why do you feel like you have to have your guard up around everyone?”

  I pressed on one of my scabs. I wanted to feel a little pain. Was it worth sharing a little with him? It couldn’t change anything. I took a breath. My words were whispers.

  “Sometimes it makes things easier.” I didn’t want our conversation to follow this path. I licked my lips as I silently listed things I knew about Kai. “But that boy I met, um, he’s eighteen and acts like he can get whatever he wants. He’s interesting and curious and I can’t help but want to know more about him.”

  “That’s great, Peyton. Meeting new people can be a wondrous thing.”

  Our session ended.

  Dr Wilson told me he’d see me next week, and I hated to admit it, but I knew I would be back.

  Chapter ELEVEN

  I found myself in front of the garage door. The one connected to the inside of the house. The door that took me to my Art Cave. I stood perfectly still. I felt every beat my heart made. I was home alone. The silence lingered.

  What was I doing? I knew I wasn’t going to go in there, but that was the closest I’d been to the garage since I’d been home. No one else goes in there, so no one else knew and I thanked the heavens above for a family that respected my privacy – most of the time.

  My skin began to tingle. Flashes corrupted my mind. Hurriedly making my way to my bedroom, I switched my music on and turned up the volume as loud as it could go. I stood there with my eyes closed as the noise took over every part of me. I didn’t fight it. I wanted the sound to drown my thoughts. Drown me. I wanted the music to take me away. Make me forget.

  I didn’t want to remember. I didn’t want to see the light.

  It was Friday. Mum was thrilled to find out that I was going on a date with Kai. I tried to play it cool and said we were just hanging out, but she wouldn’t have it. I was going on a date. It could only be a date. I
started to think that she just liked the word “date”. I let her have her moment to bask in the glory that I was getting back out there. I preferred that side of Mum, compared to when she acted as if I was a china doll. Fragile. On the verge of shattering. Sure, I had been injured and the marks across my skin were a daily reminder of the thought of losing me, but there I was in front of her. Alive. I still think that’s what I wanted. There I was getting ready for the date.

  Butterflies swirled within me. A larger part of me regretted agreeing to the date. Was this what I wanted? Was it something I could do? When had I fully convinced myself to commit?

  I dressed casual in black jeans and a baggy grey jumper, twisted an extra-large scarf around my neck and arranged a beanie on my head. I platted my hair and let it fall to the side. I tried to cover my nervousness. I didn’t want it as an accessory, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake it away. Mum told me I looked beautiful, but I never saw myself that way.

  The doorbell rang.

  There he was. Jeans, white t-shirt and his leather jacket. My heart dropped at the thought of the motorbike. I think he saw the concern printed over my face.

  “Cool your jets, Peyton,” he whispered. “I didn’t come here on my motorbike. I assumed ‘not today’ either.” Kai smiled at me with his wide smile. It was impossible for me not to feel relieved. Was I really that obvious though?

  “You look nice by the way … Are you ready to go?”

  “Yeah … Just let me say goodbye to Mum.” I knew she was lingering near the lounge door, listening to every word. Her sudden appearance made that abundantly clear.

  “Hi, I’m Kai.” He remained on the doorstep and stuck his hand out. “It’s nice to see you again.”

  Mum shook his hand and introduced herself. “I’m Emma. It’s nice to see you again, too.”

  “My intentions with your daughter are as follows: she intrigues me so I must know more. I want to impress her and take her on the best second date she’s ever been on to convince her for a third.” He looked at me. “Yes, a third. She interests me like no one else ever has. I shall keep her safe, Ms Swift. She will be home at an appropriate hour and I will act like a complete gentleman, like I was born in the fifties, maybe a little more modern – you know, with less sexism and all that, but a gentleman nonetheless.”